she wonders if things might have been different if she had done something - perhaps like not thinking too much or listing down the pros and cons? or maybe just having that gut feeling and lunge at it immediately if there was a chance.
or maybe like staying indoors when it is bright and sunny outside and thinking "oh, i'll go out tomorrow." only to wake up the next morning and have the entire day filled with raindrops falling like you've not been peeing for the whole week.